As a couple approaches the altar, the groom tells his wife-to-be, “Honey, I’ve got something to confess: I’m a golf nut, and every chance I get, I’ll be playing golf!”
“Since we’re being honest,” replies the bride, “I have to tell you that I’m a hooker.”
The groom replies, “That’s okay, honey. You just need to learn to keep your head down and your left arm straight.”
April 1st 2020
What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?
When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.
April 3rd 2020
Mike and sam decided to get together one morning and play a round of golf. sam brought along his little white poodle. when sam sank a twelve foot putt on the par 5 #1, the little white poodle stood on his hind legs and began to dance and jump and bark. mike told sam "that's great, what does he do when you miss the putt?" sam said "he does somersaults." when mike asked how many, sam replied "depends on how hard I kick him."
April 4th 2020
After a particularly bad round of golf, Robert decided not to go to the nineteenth hole [the clubhouse bar] and started to go straight home.
As he was walking to the car, a policeman stopped him and asked', Did you tee off on the seventeenth hole about twenty minutes ago?'
'Yes', Robert answered
'Did you happen to slice your ball so that it went over the trees and out of bounds and completely off the golf course?'
'Yes, I did. How did you know?' Robert questioned.
'Well', said the policeman gravely', Your golf ball flew out onto the main road and crashed through the windscreen of a BMW. The car driver lost control and crashed into six other cars and a fire engine. The fire engine was unable to reach the fire in time and the building burned down. Now, what do you intend to do about it?'
Robert thought it over very carefully and responded', I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb.'
April 5th 2020
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker - "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee, please!" Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!" Mike had had enough. He shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
submitted by a friend of SCC
My Wife is Missing
Husband: My wife is missing. She went out yesterday and hasn't come home.
Sergeant: What's her height?
Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. Probably a little over five-feet.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my car.
Sergeant: Was there anything of value in the car?
Husband: Yes, my golf clubs. Ping G4 driver with Tensei Orange TX flex CK60 with 74 Tungsten Prepreg shaft. Ping TS3 15 degree Fairway woods with Hzrdus 6.5x 76g shaft. Ping G 3-4 718 TMB irons with Nippon modus 120 x shafts. Titleist 718 AP2 irons 5-50deg with nippon modus 120 x shafts. Titleist Vokey Sm8 52,56 & 60 degree wedges. Scotty Cameron Newport 2.5 35 inch putter with Superstroke Pistol GT Tour Skull grip. Ping mid Staff bag. Nikon range finder. 12 x pro V1s. 3 x Titleist players golf gloves. Titleist towel. Alignment sticks with stitched leather cover. Swansea Country Club bag tag.
Sergeant: Hang in there. We'll find your clubs.
April 23rd 2020
A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked an interesting question…
Q: “Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T?” She asked her instructor.
A: “P-U-T-T is correct,” the instructor replied.
“P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. “P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.”
May 9th 2020
Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer.
His playing partner said, “wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed.” “Well”, the other guy said “I was married to her for 30 years.”